How I freed myself from a toxic friendship ?

Sometimes despite of doing every possible deed for the one with whom you suppose to live forever, you are unable to top his priority list and make your space in his heart.

And all we are left is this with unexplainable hollowness, and we keep on asking to ourselves, this same question every time that, “Where did I lacked?” and when we are unable to find the answer, we keep on falling in the well of depression. The person who seemed to be with us forever, out of a sudden, changes, starts ignoring us and says that he has just become busier, that’s all.

Is this explanation enough to put a full stop to our desperation? The answer would be certainly ‘NO’. Because he is not going through the situations through which we are going, unable to feel 

exactly the same way like us.

And yes, you figured it out, I was also drowning in this ocean of desperations. And continuously kept on asking this question to myself at every moment of life that "Despite of always being with my best friend in every situation, why couldn’t I make my space in his so-called big heart? And of course, where did I lacked?”

We all need a best friend, a person who always keeps on motivating us, appreciate our flaws and never ask to change ourselves. Me and my best friend were having an inseparable bond, like it veritably existed from our past lives, with no apparent reason. We enjoyed a lot together, couldn’t live with each other and loved each other’s company. But things started to change, or I should say he started to change. In this whole long period of our friendship, I didn’t know when did I became so obsessed with this friendship.

Friendships are so important to us and we do anything to keep them safe, couldn’t able to bear losing them. 

Research has shown that we are more likely to live longer and healthier lives if we have good friends and their motivation helps us in healing faster. This is the reason why we starve for friendships and it seems to be impossible for us to live alone, happily.

Getting back to my story, me and my best friend were living on cloud nine, enjoying every moment of our lives, like the world was going to end soon. And all of a sudden, out of nowhere, he started spending more time with his other friends and this kinda little hurted me, I felt getting shot, but I never complained because all I wanted was his happiness, whether the reason of his happiness was me or someone else. But somewhere, deep inside, I felt so unsolicited that I couldn’t be a part of his happiness. And one day, he told me that I need to change, need to change my behaviour and fix my attitude. Yeah, I sort of become a little aggressive, rude. But this was all for on purposes, so that he could approach me and ask me for my this strange behaviour and perhaps spend time with me, but he didn’t.

Whenever I felt lonely, sad and asked him to meet me, all I got to hear from him was this irritating, hurting phrase of words saying, “I’m busy!”. I guess, maybe he was practicing to become the next President of India. However, this kept on going for months & months and slowly turned into a year. 

I was getting depressed by passing of each day and had no one to talk, to share my feelings and thoughts because people have no spare time to listen to someone’s cries. 

My college grades, my interactions with people, my behaviour, all were reflecting this. And on one day, all these things suddenly clicked my brain, realizing me that I was suffering from a toxic friendship and I needed to stop mythologizing myself badly.

And this one random day, I looked into mirror and said, "You know what, I’m going to be your best friend." and the other me from the mirror replied, “Really?” And I promised the other me, that "I’ll never leave you no matter how busy I will be."

And we both, me and me, started doing things together, we started going on long walks, watching movies, hanging out together, clicking selfies, and yes, we both were having fun at the best. 

And the more and more, I spent time with myself, I felt better and better. I could see myself engaging cheerfully in social gatherings and helping people from overcoming such similar toxic, one-sided and obsessive friendships. And now I have tons of friends. Now my love isn’t desperate with one person, instead, now I’m sharing my love and happiness with the whole world. 

The bottom line is, the more you spend time with yourself, the more you’ll be able to spread your love and become happier. Though initially, it seemed to be very hard for you to forget a person, especially the one with whom you are with years, but slowly and steadily, once you focus on the world behind that person, he himself will get blurred from your vision and all left in your vision is this wonderful, amazing world having people with beautiful hearts.